Step Four

Alright!

Tuesday (that's yesterday btw) I was at a job interview. Well, not exacly a job interview more like a meeting where we just see what we have and what our goals are like and just generally get a feel for the other's personality.

It felt good, and I think we came to an agreement that we both feel happy with. For starters I'm going to get a month's internship where i will be given a specification for a little project. at the end of this month we'll see if i meet the expectations, and if so, we'll further discuss some kind of employment.

I'm really trying not to float away on clouds of "I got a jo-ob! I got a jo-ob! I got a jo-ob!". Sure, I AM happy that i'm finally getting a break, but I've been looking for work for a bit more than two years. I'm used to getting a "Sorry, we aren't hiring any more at the moment" or "We are looking for personell with a bit more experience in our field of work". So I dare not dream of "Sure! The job's yours!", not even a little bit 'cause I feel I'd just get disappointed and depressed about it.

I know I should feel proud of my acomplishments and feel good about myself, but I don't. I do however feel focused. Focused on the job at hand and know what kind of hurdle I need to get over and probably for the first time, comfortable about myself in this position. I really feel like I can tackle this project and that I got every tool necessary to complete it.

I think the reason why I don't feel proud about myself just yet is for the same reason I won't let myself celebrate this possible victory-to-be. I really don't wanna go around being happy, just to get the carpet pulled out from under me. I want to secure this opporunity, THEN I can finally relax a bit and make myself realised what I've just done.

Until then, Mr. Imaginary Reader, I'm gonna work my ass off to see this thing done. THEN I can be proud.