Sidetrack - Staying on Track

Right now I have a prolbem of mental nature (right now alot of friends would laugh at that remark, and I of course agree).

I woke up this morning and I was in a crappy mood. It started yesterday and i think it has to do with the internship. I feel this enormous pressure to succeed. The last time I had an internship relating to my education i sort of borked it. I didn't realise my limitations and didn't complete the project. I think I am angry at myself for thinking the same old thoughts again.

"You won't make it. It's very probable that you will fail, and then you're back to square one. He'll realise you don't know jack shit. And jack left town just now".

"He'll send you a project specification and to complete it you'll have to skipp weekends and evening just to make it through. is that how you want to live the rest of your life? Stressed out due to deadlines you can't make and hve to compensate by removing your own free time?".

All these thoughts are old to me. I've heard them before and the voice is all too familiar. It's like my Subconscious thrives on thinking bad of me. It's like I've been telling myself that I lack any worth and now that's the only way I know how to handle any obstacle I come across.

I know this, and yet I keep falling back into old tracks. I keep trying to tell myself it's just a matter of perspective, that i just need to put my mind to that I can do this.

Not knowing the extent of the project doesn't help either. I hope i'll get the specifications soon.

I don't know how to handle this yet. I had a good flow from the seminar that i tried to ride as good as possible. It was awsome a couple of weeks but i knew it'd go down sooner or later. Now i gotta figure out what everyone else probably knows: how to get back on the horse.

Today is a bummer. I got to find some energy to make something or else another day goes to waste.

Writing this might help getting some perspective but i don't know if i'll find a solution from it. Maybe i was hoping for too much.

Until next time, Mr. Imaginary Reader.